Dating no longer feels like a casual dinner chat or a simple gaze exchange. It has gradually evolved into an unpaid career that requires time, effort, and emotional clarity but seldom brings the sense of accomplishment. What used to be exciting has become monotonous, repetitious, and emotionally taxing, much like work. People use phrases like “I’m swamped,” “I’m exhausted,” or “I need a break” while discussing love, just as they do when discussing deadlines.
Professor of psychology Dr. Geoff MacDonald of the University of Toronto has done a great deal of research on this emotional exhaustion. According to his research, people’s attitudes toward relationships have changed significantly as a result of economic uncertainty and the culture of constant digital interaction. Anxiety about money not only postpones love, but also changes it. Nowadays, a lot of people wait to date until they “feel ready,” which is determined by financial security rather than emotional openness.
Dating now feels transactional as a result of this change. With scheduling, budgeting, and risk assessments, a first date might be similar to a business meeting. Apps like Hinge and Bumble promote optimization, which includes more thoughtful bios, better profiles, and more calculated message timing. In theory, the technique is very effective, but in reality, it is very draining. Every message feels like a deliverable, and every swipe like a microtask. It’s not instinctive love, but love by calculation.
Table: Geoff MacDonald – Researcher on Relationship Psychology
| Full Name | Dr. Geoff MacDonald |
|---|---|
| Profession | Professor of Psychology and Relationship Researcher |
| Affiliation | University of Toronto |
| Field of Expertise | Singlehood Studies, Intimacy Research, Emotional Readiness |
| Notable Research | Linked studies on income, emotional readiness, and relationship formation |
| Publications | The Journal of Marriage and Family, The Conversation, The New York Times |
| Known For | Research on economic stress and its effect on modern relationships |
| Website | https://www.utoronto.ca |
Ironically, there is no compensation for this work. Dating is a “full-time job” that requires emotional work with no assurance of return. People say it’s a never-ending cycle of matching, chatting, meeting, and then ghosting, with each stage consuming more patience than the one before it. It’s a psychological race without a finish line, and the payoff for hard work is frequently insufficient.
This emotional economy was recently examined in a New York Times article. Allan Robles, a San Francisco-based sustainable design expert, admitted that dating seemed unsustainable while earning a six-figure salary. It was particularly annoying to compete with classmates who could afford expensive excursions. He decided to put his love life on hold completely, describing it as “a nonstarter until I get my house in order,” rather than pursuing romance. Despite being personal, millions of people dealing with the financial strains of contemporary romance can relate to his experience.
Once thought to be difficult partners, money and love today seem to be inseparable. According to Dr. MacDonald’s related research, those with greater wages are far more likely to establish relationships within six months, in addition to feeling more prepared to date. Financial comfort makes vulnerability easier, but riches does not equate to love. Romance becomes a luxury when survival is at jeopardy.
Dining expenses are just one aspect of dating’s financial strain. Time, mental effort, and even one’s perception of oneself have hidden costs. Creating the ideal profile picture, rewriting bios, and responding to messages are all examples of unpaid digital work. The procedure is similar to gig employment in that it is tough, flexible, and never rewarding. It’s quite good at keeping people interested, but it’s very exhausting over time.
This pressure is increased by social expectations. Despite advancements in equality, women frequently feel under pressure to engage in emotional labor—listening, reassuring, and empathizing—while many men still feel compelled to pay. Beneath the contemporary façade of empowerment, this subtle interaction perpetuates ancient hierarchies. Even younger generations unintentionally mimic these habits, “balancing independence with a silent expectation of traditional gestures,” according to relationship expert Maya Diamond.
Pop culture is a striking example of this weariness. Dating exhaustion is transformed into a relatable performance by social media influencers and streaming series. Users on TikTok compare first dates to job interviews, complete with emotional “check-ins” and debriefs. The message is also amplified by celebrities. Fatigue is normalized as an aspect of dating when celebrities like Jennifer Aniston and Dua Lipa talk about how emotionally draining dating can be. Instead of being a personal delight, love has evolved into a communal effort.
Additionally, apps have made attention a commodity. Better matches are promised by premium features, turning hope into a paid subscription service. Love is now divided between tiers, with paid members receiving visibility and free users receiving slow algorithms. Its marketing is especially creative, but its meaning is incredibly ironic. Previously unplanned, affection is now algorithmically controlled, and connections frequently seem staged rather than genuine.
Intimacy’s professionalization is a reflection of larger cultural changes. Dating is no exception to the inevitable blurring of work and personal life. Romance has been infected by the hustle culture that exalts production. Similar to how they optimize their LinkedIn accounts, people often “optimize” their emotional availability. Dating turns into yet another success indicator, a project to oversee and a KPI to meet. Love, however, defies quarterly objectives.
According to Dr. MacDonald’s studies, deliberate slowing down can significantly enhance this system. He clarifies that although romance has been industrialized, it is still based on human needs. His counsel is straightforward yet incredibly clear: prioritize depth over efficiency. Make your dates special, send fewer texts, and go on fewer dates. Authenticity, not withdrawal, is the cure for burnout.
However, a generation of skeptics encounters this optimism. As though recuperating from overtime, many young adults make jokes about being “on dating hiatus.” Some call it “romantic sabbatical,” a lighthearted term that conceals true fatigue. Even though they are brief, these pauses highlight the emotional toll that contemporary dating takes—the weariness that results from acting as though you are interested rather than feeling it.
